Anger is alphabetically and dramatically near the top of an emotional volcano when a doctor announces there are only six months or less to live. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross famously identified anger as one of the five stages of dying. (And though her efforts have often been misconstrued—for example, the “stages” aren’t sequential and predictable—Kubler-Ross’ insights into dying, death, and grief are essential reading.)
But instead of anger as one of five “stages,” I wonder about four ways that I’ve witnessed anger erupt when a loved one faces death.
+ + +
1. Anger at God
People from any religion that worships a supreme being can have anger towards God for “causing” a loved one’s illness. Regardless of how much or how little faith matters to a believer, how could God do this to me, or to my beloved? I have witnessed similar rage towards God from eighty-something husbands learning about a wife’s stage four cancer and from parents whose pre-teen daughter has just been diagnosed with a life-limiting illness.
Age doesn’t matter. Don’t comfort anyone by saying a parent or spouse has “lived a long, good life.” Everyone wants another day, month, and year(s). Don’t try to reassure a parent watching a child slip away by claiming God has a plan or that the child is “needed” in heaven. Read More →by