Archive for Emotions – Page 2

The Evil Twins that Stalk Hospice

Shining Twins

The twins from 1980’s The Shining

Like evil twins in a horror movie, fear and ignorance stalk those in hospice care.

This happened: [Disclaimer]

A hospice nurse described one of her patients—let’s say this was a mother of several adult children and also a wife of four plus decades—who lay dying in a rented hospital bed in the living room. Most of the family had gathered at the home. Most talked with their loved one or did chores like cleaning the bathroom or preparing meals. But one family member—let’s say it was the oldest daughter—arrived, but never entered the living room. Never offered to help. This daughter surveyed the activity around the metal-framed bed from the entryway, and then hurried down a hallway, away from her family, away from her mother.

Was she afraid of death? Read More →

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He Was Angry!

According to the nurse, he was angry.

According to the chaplain, he was angry.

According to the social worker, he was angry.

These three hospice colleagues separately visited the same patient and husband over the course of several days. While each met with the patient for different reasons—from the nurse determining the most appropriate medications for the patient’s needs to the social worker assisting with Medicare forms—they all experienced the wrath of a husband.

His wife had entered hospice care a few days before. Her cancer and Alzheimer’s had combined to wear her, and her husband, down. They dreaded the next midnight run to the emergency room or another lengthy stay in the hospital. Her oncologist had announced chemo or radiation therapies would no longer work. The neurologist, once upbeat about drug trials for her dementia, had exhausted all options as her disease slowly worsened. Many of the doctors and nurses they’d seen in recent weeks had mentioned hospice.

And so, his wife became a hospice patient. Read More →

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Everyone (mostly) Needs Help

According to the social worker’s earliest notes on the medical chart, the patient’s son didn’t want any grief support after his father died.

The nurse who’d cared for his father echoed those sentiments when the family was discussed in the hospice team meeting. Since the patient—the father—had been in our hospice’s care for several months, there had been multiple visits by the social worker, nurse, and chaplain. All agreed the son said (before and at the time of death) that he was okay. Additionally, the son’s cousin—more like a trusted friend since childhood—happened to be one of our hospice nurses.

This cousin/nurse affirmed what others concluded: the son had shared he didn’t need additional bereavement support after his father’s death.

He.

Was.

Fine.

But the cousin, my hospice colleague, also said to me, and to the social worker who’d write the official chart notes, that the son should be contacted anyway.

“Give him a call,” the cousin/nurse said. Read More →

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