Archive for Giving up

The Best Time to Consider Hospice is ______

When is the right time to ask about hospice?

Isn’t that the hardest of questions? For a potential hospice patient, the “right” or “best” time answer seems like a grim brew of unsettling and unfair choices.

Some would prefer their doctors provide the answer. Though there are exceptions, most doctors have spent scant time in training about “end of life” concerns. The lengthy education for a medical degree doesn’t leave much room in the schedule for learning about the dying and death of patients. Doctors, regardless of her or his specialty, are oriented toward healings, hopes, cures, and the next best option to try. It’s nearly impossible for physicians to view hospice as anything other than “giving up.” Who wants a doctor that will “give up” on you?

There are patients that secretly—or not so secretly—want a family member to make decisions about hospice. Do you truly want the people who blindly love you, who want you to “live forever,” and who frequently don’t understand the medical situation (with its strange terminology and complex treatments) to make your decisions? It’s nearly impossible for many family and friends to view hospice as anything other than a personal version of the “end of the world.” In presidential politics, we laugh about (and are deadly serious about) which candidate we want in the Oval Office in the awful event of nuclear war. Who, in any family, wants to trigger the “apocalypse” for a loved one?

But I will give you an answer. Read More →

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Hospice Isn’t the Opposite of Hope

mother.daughter

A daughter called about her mother . . .

My obvious hope on this website is to inform people about hospice.

I speak personally. A hospice cared for Dad. My mother, though never a hospice patient, received feedback from a hospice nurse that proved crucial to my family’s decisions. (We also “rejected” another potential hospice because their admitting nurse was—being polite—not very professional.)

I speak professionally from my past. On numerous occasions, visiting patients as their chaplain, I witnessed the importance of quiet time with loved ones in the final days. As hard as it was to admit, one more round of chemotherapy or another frantic trip to the emergency room would only put off the inevitable for a brief, painful time. Wasn’t it better to remain home?

I speak professionally from my present position in bereavement support. On numerous occasions, the ones grieving have shared with me how life changing the final days became with a parent or spouse or child or mentor or best friend. They learned about themselves (and liked what they learned about their strength and patience) as they focused on being a caregiver.

I speak realistically about hospice and our mortality. Modern medication, fervent prayers, high-tech treatments, the skilled hands of a surgeon, or the healing properties of an exotic herb may lead to remission or even complete cures . . .

But do you think your ill parent or spouse is somehow immortal?

Do you think you are? Read More →

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