Archive for Grief – Page 2

You’re in My Thoughts & Prayers

I will keep you in my . . . thoughts and prayers.

I’ve said that phrase. I’ve written it to those who have experienced death or disaster.

Isn’t it a good phrase? While it’s become a cultural cliché, isn’t it also a true enough and honest enough—but never adequate enough—response when another is hurting?

Thoughts? Please, invite in the agnostics and atheists, along with the cynics and critics. Everyone, even the most self-centered or isolated, thinks about others. Especially when tragedy befalls individuals, groups, or regions, we think about them. Mostly, people wish to share kind, tender thoughts. Often, we have no idea what to say, other than to express some form of hope.

Prayers? In our multitude of faith traditions with dramatically different beliefs, prayer is common ground. One believer may openly pray to “change” the ways of the divine or human subject. Another’s prayer may be expressed silently to “lift up” or “honor” someone. And a third may recite a formal prayer or sacred, ancient text. There are many diverse forms of prayer and praying.

Public events inspire our reactions . . . Read More →

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Fragile: Handle with Care

The woman suddenly cried.

In an intake of a breath, she shifted from smiling and looking a bit weary from work . . . to tears. The person beside her, older and probably her mother, was caught off guard. What do you do with an abruptly weeping thirty-something daughter?

The women had been passing in front of my hospice’s table display. Along with a colleague, I staffed the table—covered by brochures, info packets, resource samples, and some very popular mints for giving away—to answer questions about grief support services.

The sobbing woman stared at the section of the table devoted to our Angel Babies program.

My colleague leaned toward her and asked, quietly, gently, “How long ago?”

“Seven years.”

Seven years since the death of her child.

[Disclaimer.]

Let me, with humility and a dose of confidentiality, press the “remote” to pause these sentences. Read More →

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I Don’t Need Help: Guys and Grief

Guys are different.

(No, they’re not!)

When I make a bereavement phone call following a loved one’s death, about half the people that answer the phone are . . . men. Not much of a revelation, right? But men, far more than the women, tend to surprise me after I’ve asked if this is a good time to speak for a few moments . . .

Nope. Don’t want to talk.

There was the guy who didn’t need help from anyone after his wife died. He didn’t say this once—I don’t need any help—but four or five times in the course of our conversation. He didn’t want to talk, didn’t want anyone to worry about him. In between those casual lies, he shared about meeting his wife decades before and how much she’d changed him for the better. He also fretted about how he couldn’t quite muster the energy to head outside to fix the sprinklers and wondered why he had so little energy after waking up in the morning. Part way through our call—I don’t want to talk—he mentioned searching for a serving spoon or measuring cup in the kitchen and discovering one of his wife’s folded aprons in a drawer. It had been made for Mom by their youngest daughter way back in the high school days.

It still held her fragrance.

He—I don’t want to talk—said he stood there, frozen in the middle of the kitchen, the apron pressed to his nose. Read More →

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