Archive for Men

I Don’t Need Help: Guys and Grief

Guys are different.

(No, they’re not!)

When I make a bereavement phone call following a loved one’s death, about half the people that answer the phone are . . . men. Not much of a revelation, right? But men, far more than the women, tend to surprise me after I’ve asked if this is a good time to speak for a few moments . . .

Nope. Don’t want to talk.

There was the guy who didn’t need help from anyone after his wife died. He didn’t say this once—I don’t need any help—but four or five times in the course of our conversation. He didn’t want to talk, didn’t want anyone to worry about him. In between those casual lies, he shared about meeting his wife decades before and how much she’d changed him for the better. He also fretted about how he couldn’t quite muster the energy to head outside to fix the sprinklers and wondered why he had so little energy after waking up in the morning. Part way through our call—I don’t want to talk—he mentioned searching for a serving spoon or measuring cup in the kitchen and discovering one of his wife’s folded aprons in a drawer. It had been made for Mom by their youngest daughter way back in the high school days.

It still held her fragrance.

He—I don’t want to talk—said he stood there, frozen in the middle of the kitchen, the apron pressed to his nose. Read More →

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