Archive for Questions

Grief, Unseen

Physical Therapy

I kept my questions casual when first talking with her.

Let’s say her name is Anne, which is not true. And let’s also say, to protect the proverbial innocent, that Anne’s friend’s name is Bryn. Both are in their early twenties. I met them because they were part of the physical therapy staff where I went for an irksome left knee. Anne and Bryn were friendly and efficient; they comfortably joked with patients, shared words of encouragement.

During a particular session, Anne was the one reminding me which exercise came next. She brought me the special flexible ball to help stretch my lower body, and later set the timer for how long I should be moving my limbs back and forth, side to side. I usually bantered with Anne (or Bryn), though sometimes I silently, steadily plowed through the required series of exercises.

When finished with a routine, I asked Anne the question that led to the question.

“Didn’t Bryn tell me that she started working here because you recommended her for the job?”

Anne grinned. “Right. She graduated from college and wasn’t sure what to do next.”

“How’d you two meet?” Read More →

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Come and See Grammy!

couch

And he takes my hand and leads me back to the couch . . .

Come and see Grammy! She scared me at first, but then I think Grammy wants me to come sit by her.

This was a request from a nearly four-year-old grandson. In a church I served as an interim pastor, I visited a man whose wife had died. Temporarily helping the congregation for several months, I didn’t know him well and had never met his wife. Well, I had “met” her in a hospital’s intensive care unit. In her mid-seventies, she had a series of unexpected health emergencies that far too quickly led to her death. I had also done her funeral.

Preparing for the service, I learned about her from friends and family. A devoted wife. A loving mother. The go-to Grammy for favorite desserts and spur-of-the-moment babysitting needs. She had raised her kids, gotten a teaching credential, taught for two decades, and badgered her husband until he took her to Paris after both had retired. They had a thousand more plans.

None of those plans included her death.

I went to see her husband. Read More →

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Let Me (Not) Give You Some Advice

Advice

Giving advice starts early!

I resist giving advice.

I relish giving advice.

Both statements are true.

Obviously, I spend considerable time with advice-giving by posting regular essays about hospice. I want those considering hospice (for themselves or others) to have resources during this crucial time. I want to offer suggestions—through questions, concerns, insights—for families currently served by hospice. Whether wondering about odd medical terms or nudging people to be honest about dying and death, I hope my views (advice!) help a few readers.

But advice is inherently tricky. What works for me may not work for you. At times I’ve asked friends if they’d like my advice about a situation they are facing. If they nod assent, I respond with, “Don’t trust anyone else’s advice but yours.” We laugh. We roll our eyes. It’s a joke! However, it also rings true. Follow your heart. Take the time to listen to your inner voice. If you are a person of faith, pray . . . and then be open to the ways the Holy provides guidance. Carefully seek input from trusted family members, friends, and professionals. Cautiously use the Internet with its smorgasbord of bad/good, weird/wonderful, fickle/fact-filled viewpoints. (Which includes my website on advice about hospice!) Read More →

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