Archive for Talking About Dying – Page 2

Sometimes (talking about) Death Gets Stuck in Our Throats

Have you ever heard someone react to a comment by responding, “That sounds Greek to me!”

In other words, we don’t comprehend the word or the statement. It doesn’t make sense.

That’s what I first thought about dysphagia when I started hearing it in hospice.

Huh? What?

In the case of dysphagia, it’s literally a Greek word and problematic to pronounce (dis-fay-gee-a) for most folks. The roots of the word are relatively simple. Dys is a prefix for, “No.” Think of the more commonly used dysfunctional or—because of the Hunger Games novels and their ilk—a grim, unsettling future world known as a dystopia.

Dysfunction = no function.

Dystopia = no good place.

The suffix phagia, though obscure and probably never used in our day-to-day conversations, also describes a familiar activity: eating. Medical professionals use dysphagia to identify patients that have difficulty with swallowing. In other words . . .

Dysphagia = no eating. Read More →

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Please, Don’t Say Hospice or Mention Death

How do you share openly about dying with those that don’t want to speak or hear the word, “Death?”

How can a hospice staff—whether home health aids, chaplains, or nurses—explain who they are and what they are doing when a patient’s family instructs them not to mention the word, “Hospice?”

In our patient care meetings, especially with newly admitted hospice patients, a month doesn’t go by without mentioning one or both of these questions.

Since hospice involves caring for the dying and supporting the bereaved after death, sometimes the staff can’t talk about their real work with the people they serve.

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What word do you use for death?

  • Is a person lost?
  • Have they transitioned?
  • Are they gone?
  • Did they pass?
  • Is your loved one in a better place, standing at heaven’s gate, meeting Saint Peter, or with the angels?

Since the beginnings of my ministry, I have used dying, death, and died. I suspect, over the years, in person and on the phone, I have upset people with those unadorned words. Read More →

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A Hospice Minute

stopwatchGotta minute?

In 2015, the life expectancy for an “average” American was 78 years. Simple multiplication means that the annual total of 525,600 minutes accumulates to 40,996,800 lifetime minutes.

In a minute, everything can change.

In hospice, every moment is precious.

How many minutes are wasted on worries that prove meaningless, or speaking meaningless (but hurtful) words we regret, or regretting decisions that meant there was less time with loved ones?

How many singular, wonderful moments become like doors into a rooms decorated with experiences that will be treasured for the remainder of life? Read More →

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