It’s often referred to as the “little blue book.” Or more simply, hospice’s “blue book.” For hospice professionals, the “blue book” may be the most familiar and commonly used resource given to patients and families.
Everybody should have a copy and read it.
But no one wants to. And no one should want to, until it’s time.
Barbara Karnes, a hospice nurse, published what amounted to a fancy pamphlet in 1985 entitled “Gone From My Sight.” Millions and millions of copies later, the blue-covered book with the picture of a ship on the front remains in print. The official title—“Gone From My Sight”—was inspired by a poem that described death as sailing away from one shore and toward a distant, unseen shore. The poem has easy-to-understand imagery and doesn’t emphasize one religious experience over another. Neither does it, because it uses metaphoric language, ignore the spirituality of dying and death, of fearing and preparing for the last moments with a loved one. Or for the first moments without that loved one.
If you go to Karnes’s website you can buy the little blue book for two bucks.
What do you get besides the childlike drawing of a boat on the front cover and a nice poem on the inside?
In simple, honest language Karnes shared what to expect when someone dies. Though most hospice professionals are aware of this book, it was never written for the hospice medical insider. It’s a book to hand to a family facing an experience they know they’ll have but never wanted to go through.
Nearly all of us avoid talking about death.
Nearly all of us are ignorant about death’s details.
Nearly all of us, and rightly so, want to delay death as long as we can.
And some deaths, sometimes the worst deaths (or do you think them the “best” deaths?) happen with little or warning. A soldier is killed on the battlefield. Jim Fixx, one of the earliest advocates for running in the 1970s and author of a mega-selling book on running, died abruptly in 1984 when he was 52 and appeared “as strong as an ox.” Tragically children—not just adults—die quickly from diseases. More people are killed “suddenly” in this country from auto accidents than guns. But the United States is a nation of gunslingers compared to the rest of the world, with high rates of gun ownership and thousands of U.S. citizens die from bullets every year.
Murder. Suicide. Plague. Fatal mistakes. Flawed hearts. Combat. Yes, some death is quick. One moment, you’re breathing, the next you are not.
Most death will not be quick. The breathing ebbs and flows and finally, slowly, stops.
Karnes’s brief, accessible no-on-wants-to-read book helps people answer (or helps them ask) questions like: what are the signs of death? What will breathing be like? What happens to the skin? What if she stops eating? Why is he making those odd hand gestures? Will medication keep her pain-free? Can he hear me?
Trust me, you don’t want to read this book.
Trust me, this may be the one book you want to read as you help with a loved one who is dying.
Karnes’s webpage states, “The biggest fear of watching someone die is fear of the unknown; not knowing what dying will be like or when death will actually occur . . . from disease.”
Having information is essential. Understanding trumps ignorance every time. Please, ignore the “little blue book” for most of your life, and during the lives of those you love. But be thankful that for two bucks, you can have peace of mind, and the power of knowledge, at one of the most crucial times of everyone’s life.
(Hospice vigorously protects a patient’s privacy. I’ll take care with how I share my experiences. Any names used are fictitious. Events are combined and/or summarized.)by